Too young to get married

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My husband and I met in high school. I wouldn’t say we were high school sweethearts since we didn’t actually date. We were acquainted with each other. I had a crush on him and he was too much of a jock to make me his girlfriend. We eventually became friends and then when I was 18 and he was 21 we decided it would be a great idea to get married.

We did not have a wedding. We didn’t even tell our families what we were planning. We discussed everything ourselves and just decided that it was time to get married. Thinking back, there was no reason for us to get married. I mean what did we know? Was 18 too young to get married? In my case, yes, 100%

If I could do it all over again, I would not get married so young. I would have finished college without any distractions. I would have allowed myself to play around with majors instead of choosing one and sticking with it because it was the adult thing to do.  I would have explored careers and perhaps traveled a bit. I would find myself before taking on the responsibility of having a husband. At 18, I completely meshed my life with his. Of course, that’s what happens when one gets married. However, I was barely an adult and had yet to really live life. I was not prepared for life’s challenges. I was naïve to think that love alone would carry us through all of our trials. I did not know that it required a lot of work. It required a constant commitment.

We said the traditional vows when we got married, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health and so on. When we got married those were just words. We were just repeating them. It took time to understand that when those things come, and they absolutely will, you can’t just bail out because it’s not fun anymore or because it’s too hard. Nothing worth having is easy.

My marriage advice to any young person would be to wait. What is the rush? True love waits. Find yourself. Be the best version of yourself alone, first, before intertwining your life with someone else’s. Not only would you be so secure in who you are as a person, but you will be a much better spouse because you have an understanding of yourself. Take the time to build yourself up and then you can learn to build up your spouse. You can be the support that he or she desires.

We are now a few months shy of celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary and have 3 beautiful boys together. Our marriage is still a work in progress and we have certainly weathered some storms together. It still amazes me that we lasted this long. What we aim for now is to teach our boys that marriage can work. While we don’t recommend getting married young, we do encourage married couples to stay the course. It’s not easy, but success comes in pieces. Stick it out and it will come.

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